Semi-Daily Ramblings

miserysadvocate @ 2009-02-15T14:35:00

2009-02-15T23:29:18Z

I am moving soon to Camp Lejeune, North Carolina so I can be with Daniel when he comes home.
:D
...
he's coming home in April!

miserysadvocate @ 2009-01-13T16:40:00

2009-01-13T21:41:53Z

shits crazy right now. Dan has 4 more months, according to the gunney's wife.
I feel like i've lost myself.

miserysadvocate @ 2008-11-29T11:36:00

2008-11-29T19:37:08Z

well, the holidays(okay, thanksgiving) were alright. More specifically, awfully lonely. I kept thinking "Dan would love that!" and it drove me nuts. I think during dinner I cried twice. No, I am not always crying, grant you, it was a LONG dinner. We got there at 1300 and stayed there until 2000. So, I had quite a while to cry twice, and, no, the water works are not always on. But, now I am cold, and sitting in my bathroom. Erika is in my bed and its kinda cramped. Funny thing though, Dan and I always fit perfectly in that bed....
I have no plans for today, other than going back to bed and perhaps trying to sleep a bit longer. We'll see.

miserysadvocate @ 2008-11-18T23:46:00

2008-11-19T07:47:36Z

Tomorrow is my 7 month anniversary of being married.
I am so proud of you, baby.
I LOVE YOU!

miserysadvocate @ 2008-11-16T14:16:00

2008-11-16T22:21:45Z

ugh, i am fucking drowning.

I am not living for the next 6 months, simply existing.

The holidays are gonna suck.

I bawled last night like a retard. Last night was NPS' and DLI's Marine Corps ball, and I saw some of them at Dennys. I talked to them for a bit, got a phone number for one of the other Marine wives. They were probably the most understanding and empathetic people i have come across so far.
I just kept thinking that if Dan were still here, I would've gone. I would've dressed all pretty for him, and gotten to meet the other wives. I couldve gone home that night and sighed happily as I let my hair down, then curled up into him arms, tucking my nose under the crook of his chin.

*sighs*

I miss you, babe.

i love it how

2008-10-22T11:32:32Z

i love it how....
people are so fucking confusing.

you think someone will be offended by something are they are totally chill about it.

and on the otherhand,
you think you are saying something totally rediculous, and they just shrug it off.

OR, how people online are unpredictable.

Like, everyone has that penpal you are really cool with then, all of a sudden, out of the blue, they STOP TALKING TO YOU.

It's like, "wait...wtf? Did i miss something?"
Like, suck my cock.

Seriously.

OR, this crazy sleeping pattern that i have going. Erika and I are nocturnal now, no joke. We have slept all day for the last three days, and here it is, 4:00 AM and still awake and kicking. I woke up at 5:00 PM to start my day yesterday. Woooooooow.

OR
how you see people that you were cool with in highschool, and they are really disinterested in you now. Its like, "uhhhh.... okay...fuck off, too." OR how you see those people you never really talked to much, and they TALK YOUR EARS OFF, and are all peppy and in your business.
Like, its awesome, I love it, but what happened to those old people you spent every day with?

On the other hand, its been really cool hanging out with my old crew of Erika, Ash and Rico.
Like the good old days, you know, lol?

Like, now i remember why raving was so fun. You get to put up with a crock full of assholes during the week, and BAM! there's the weekend, smiling and full of promises of new people and tons of fun.

It shows you that the world isnt full of just asshole penpals with abrupt issues and oblivious, self-absorbed school buddies from way back in the day.

OR,
how when people hear i am married they treat me a couple of different ways:
1) "Oh my god! Really? Congrats! Who is he? Where is he from? Of, he is in Iraq? What a bummer! Yeah, he will be in my prayers! If you need anything, dont hesitate to call! Good seeing you!"
(Thanks for the offer, but i dont want to be a burden. chances are that unless there is an emergency of epic proportions, i will never call you.
)

2) "You are married? I am a guy, why are you talking to me? He doesn't care? Are you going to cheat on him?"
(First of all, yes, i am married. I am still the same old Jill I always was, nothing has changed. I am still just as pessimistic, cynical, perverted, intelligent, funny, ect. as I always was. I still like the same kind of music, the same movies, hobbies and books as i always did. The fact that you wont talk to me at all says more about you than it does me. It means that you can't value a woman for her personality and quirks, you only see sex. If you choose to be ignorant, more power to you. Chances are that if this is the case, you and I have nothing to discuss anyways. I have the ability to see past the fact that you are a guy, and if you are talking with me, chances are that he already knows. I understand that you people may not have an open and honest relationship with your significant others, but Daniel pretty much knows about every conversation i have with everyone, man or woman. Its a basis of communication, you see? If I were going to cheat on him, do you really think I would have invested so much of my life into this relationship? Believe it or not, I am not like most girls, I value everything dear to me, and i take my vows seriously.
)

3) "You are married? Why? How long have you known him? Thats really fast..Did you get knocked up?"
(FUCK YOU. I married for love, believe it or not. And, yeah, we got married fast. Marry someone in the military and you will find out quickly that cute things like getting married are on YOUR TIME, and NO, there is not alot of it. We got married when we got a chance. We took a nice trip to Las Vegas on his weekend, and even had to get special permission for that. I WAS NOT KNOCKED UP. Again, we got married out of LOVE. YES, LOVE STILL EXISTS. I understand that it may be hard to believe with all of the bullshit happening in relationships now with cheating and all of that, but dont give up hope. Again, I was NOT knocked up. In fact, even if I were knocked up, its none of your fucking business. If I wanted to go public with it, I would have. But, yes, we want one eventually, since you asked. Repeatedly.
)

So, i know this rant seems awfully angry, and it is, believe me. but i have had this shit bottled up for a while. So, bear with me.

...
..
.

:D

miserysadvocate @ 2008-10-10T18:34:00

2008-10-11T02:03:04Z

Well, I went to North Carolina to see Dan off and got a couple of pictures. I guess I will post them.

I miss him so much.

TODAYS THE DAY

2008-10-02T23:22:43Z

DAN LEFT FOR IRAQ THIS MORNING, AND I MISS HIM ALREADY. I AM SO PROUD OF HIM. I LOVE YOU, DAN!

miserysadvocate @ 2008-10-02T16:17:00

2008-10-02T23:17:40Z

I love you, dan!

LISTEN UP:

2008-09-27T04:35:50Z

okay, so here's the deal, and at this point I DONT CARE WHO KNOWS.
I am out on my own, paying my own bills, running around filling my ADULT RESPONSIBILITIES.
blech.
Dan is going to Iraq and the Marine Corps is having fun torturing us families about his deployment date. Easy when you're just a name and number on a paper being pushed, right?
He was supposed to leave on the 3rd and now we heard that it may be anywhere from the 29th to the 3rd.
And what sucks?
I am leaving for a vacay to North Carolina (SEEING YOUR HUSBAND LEAVE FOR IRAQ IS A VACATION NOW?) on the 30th and am coming back on the 4th.
Things that suck about that?
1) can't move the date of the flight any closer, already bought the ticket.
2) My plane will arrive on the 30th at 11:30 at night, and if he leaves on the 1st, that would only give us a few hours together.
3) Lovefest is on the 4th, so I can't even go to that.
4) If he leaves on the 1st, I then have 3 days of NOTHINGNESS in a hotel to fill in Jacksonville, North Carolina.
5) I am going to have his iphone cause he cant take it with him, so I am going to get his fucking crazy exes texting me (I am going to have to keep my pimp hand strong!)
6) the address that he gave me for Iraq is only valid for a couple of weeks
7) its 7 MONTHS
8) gotta pay the bills the MOMENT I get back
9) I dont have a laptop yet cause money is tight with all of this traveling and whatnot, so comp access to talk with him will be limited
10) gotta go to more military spouse classes in the near future
11) GOTTA WORK MY ASS OFF FINDING OTHER WIVES AROUND HERE
12) gotta get in touch with old friends cause ever since I left and came back, I really haven't been talking to much of anyone

and more. Really, too many to name.
So, seriously, if you are out and you see someone in uniform, or someone who is obviously a military spouse, TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK THAT PERSON. THEY GO THROUGH MORE SHIT THAN YOU WILL EVER REALIZE, UNTIL YOU LIVE THAT LIFESTYLE YOURSELF. So, coming from a civilian/military hybrid such as myself, take that 30 seconds to do that, because as mundane as it seems, it means ALOT to them/us.

Thanks.

miserysadvocate @ 2008-09-22T01:31:00

2008-09-22T09:32:46Z

"I love you"

2008-09-22T09:28:26Z

"My heart yearns for your love,
my skin yearns for your touch,
my eyes yearn for a glimpse of your beauty,
my arms long to hold you,
and my ears long to hear three words from your heavenly voice:
"I love you"

miserysadvocate @ 2008-07-17T19:51:00

2008-07-18T02:52:05Z

Oh, and my birthday is in exactly a week!

miserysadvocate @ 2008-07-17T19:48:00

2008-07-18T02:49:34Z

Okay, so....wow.
I found my dad's family, and met them. I spent the last week in the middle of East Los Angeles with a bunch of crazy mexicans. LOL
And, I got to see my dad's grave.
And, Dan got to go, so they met my husband.
And, I met my brother. <3
AND, I leave TOMORROW for Monterey, then we are DRIVING to Camp Lejeune, NORTH CAROLINA!
I am so excited! I finally get to leave Las Vegas, lol.
And, now I get to be with my husband. Coming tomorrow night, I wont have to be without him for another 2 years, when he gets re-stationed.
We are going to pick up our kitten tomorrow, Smedley. :D
We named him after a Marine hero, Smedley Butler. Doesn't get any more patriotic than that, right?
OMG. NORTH CAROLINA. How am I gonna handle that? Humid, hurricanes, kkk?
PRAY FOR ME.
lol.
<3

An update?

2008-05-01T19:45:46Z

So, I haven't been home in something like 4 days, and my mom is being unbelievably insufferable.
She was going to help us move by driving us down to 29 Palms because they don't rent moving trucks to anyone under 25, but now that she knows she has that power over us, she is toying with us. She is now saying that she won't be able to help us when we need it because we're taking up her time and a bunch of bull like that.
So, Dan and I are going to go ahead and bypass her on this one and try to find one of his Marine buddies who will help us. I don't know how that will work, but we're sure as hell going to try.
He may be putting a deposit down on the place this Saturday! I am so excited!
:)
It's nice, I've been spending alot of time with friends lately, but in the back of my mind I know that I still have SO much to do before I move!
I let my room get pretty messy, so I know when I get home I have to deal with that, as well as dealing with my mom's ever-pissy attitude.
woo-hoo.
My only consolation is knowing that I'll be close to my love soon.
Oh, how sentimental of me.
lol.

<3

2008-04-18T13:04:41Z

welly, welly, welly, well.

I am leaving tonight for a something like 10-hour drive down to 29 Palms, then like 4 hours to Las Vegas.

Getting married!

I am so excited!

<3

Vegas!

2008-04-10T21:17:14Z

Okay, so I am glad to say that things are going a LITTLE bit better since my last post.
My mom left this morning after a fight that we had that went like this:

HER: "Jill, we're leaving. Good luck finding food for lunch."
ME: "Are you serious? You can't just go get me something and bring it back?"
HER: "No, we have no intentions of coming back."
ME: "Really? Like, a 5 minute drive is too much for you?"
HER: "Yup. There's pre-packaged tuna, canned chili, and leftover meatloaf if you want anything. I couldn't care less if you eat."
ME: "I'd rather not make a meal out of ration food..."
HER: * walks out, slams my door and has a fucking hissy fit*

Oh, well. Anyways, on a personal level, Dan has filled out the paperwork for our new place! He goes in for a walk-through with the owner next Wednesday, and if everything goes right, that Friday he'll drive up here! We pack, pack, pack, and then we take an 8 hour roadtrip back down to our house! WOOHOO!

There'll be about a week that I have to sleep alone 'cause he has to stay in the barracks until we get married and fill out the rest of the bullshit paperwork. But, he's worth it. : )

And then..... VEGAS, BABY! It's funny, my friend Leticia lives out there now, so I invited her to our wedding! Anyways, I've never been to Las Vegas, but from what I hear, everything is pretty cut-and-dried. But, as always, my mother is up in the mix again and has decided that her and her boyfriend are coming to Vegas WITH US. I already told her though that I don't want it to be a "happy family" trip, I want us to be separate. This is a really important time for Dan and me and I don't want ANYTHING to ruin that. SO, she'll drive my moving truck down on the 20th with Dan and I in his car (roadtrip!), and they'll leave that night to Las Vegas, one week ahead of us.

I guess I'd better start doing my research on places to go and places to avoid in Vegas.

I hate feeling so clueless. *laughs*

Poetry, perhaps?

2008-04-08T20:26:49Z

Gah, stress!
No joke, I am SICK of people asking me when I am moving and getting married.
It is none of your business.
Quit feigning interest for the sake of gossip.
YOU KNOW YOU DON'T GIVE A RATS ASS.
Quit pretending like you do.
Anything I say goes in one ear and out the other, anyways.
Unless you are offering your services to move boxes, keep my name out of your mouth.
You are all clueless anyways.
You don't even know the HALF of what you gossip about.
WE ARE GETTING MARRIED.
WE ARE MOVING INTO OUR FIRST HOME TOGETHER.
Once I move you will not care how I am.
You will not wonder what I am doing at any given moment.
You will forget my name within 2 months.
No matter, my name will change anyways.
All of my "good" friends will replace me.
I will write you a letter and it will collect dust on your desk.
You will never write back, you and I both know this.
You will see my mother around, and only think of me then.
Again, polite conversation where you ask about me,
but really you are surveying the cracks on the ground and thinking about the gum on the bottom of your shoe.
I might as well be dead.
I will have left Monterey, slipping away as quietly as I came.
You will never laugh, and think, "Wow, Jill would get a kick out of this!"
It's worse than being dead because atleast dead people are remembered with a certain amount of reverence.
People will only remember me with annoyance that I didn't bother to say goodbye to them before I left.
You ask me to go out with you, like its going to be such a walk through the fucking park.
You forget that I am going to be a wife.
I have to worry about RENT, FOOD, INSURANCE, GODFORBID A BABY, CLOTHING, BILLS, and everything else inbetween.
I am sorry I don't have a mother who pays for every goddamn thing I want.
I am sorry my parents never promised me that I could have their house after they die.
You say you're my friend, but if that were true you would WANT me to be happy.
AND FINALLY, I am doing what makes me happy, AND YOU ARE MAKING ME MISERABLE.
No matter how much you plead with me not to move,
I am moving.
I don't care what you want anymore. I am not catering to your needs.
I am going to be a wife,
someday a mother.
I am moving.
Without you.
Get over it.
You'll forget me anyways.
The end.
(I am sick of rambling.)

Home is where the heart is!

2008-04-06T03:29:11Z

HOME!
Dan and I are getting our first home together!
It is going to be down in 29 Palms, right by the Marine Base.
If everything goes right we could be married within the next 3 weeks, in Vegas hopefully.
I'll move down there first, then its on to Vegas!
I can't wait!
<3

miserysadvocate @ 2008-02-23T11:56:00

2008-02-23T20:01:18Z

This morning finds me to be extremely tired, after a night of tossing and turning.
And to make things worse, there's a storm coming, so our cell service is crapping out.
Which means that instead of talking with Dan all day, like I had planned, I'll probably be sleeping.
Bah.
I'm getting married!
<3

As a post-script....

2008-02-22T01:19:23Z

I forgot to mention that because of my love for him, I have stopped:
1. raving
2. drinking
3. smoking (weed, cigarettes)
4. frying (doing acid)
5. rolling (taking Ecstasy)

and every other drug slang term you can think of.
That is not me anymore.
I am going to be someone's wife,
and I want to make him proud.
It's amazing what love can do, isn't it?

Marriage?

2008-02-22T01:08:53Z

Okay, wellllll....I'm back, for now!
There is so much going on!
I AM GETTING MARRIED!
Here, I'll give it a minute for that to sink in.
Yes, MARRIED!
I am very much in love, and it is nothing short of wonderful.
He is a United States Marine from Big Sur, and right now he's at school down in 29 Palms, a Marine Base by Palm Springs.Within his visit home we are going to get a Justice of the Peace, and later on down the line when we have everything planned out and the money saved up, we'll have the big official ceremony that both of us want.
Everyone around here, especially my close friends are freaking out about it. I don't know if they're afraid to lose me or what, but its none of my concern. The point is that I am finally doing what I want with my life and am finally happy.
I love this man, and that is all that matters, right?
Why wouldn't I want to spend the rest of my life with him?

Be Thankful: The Afterthought

2007-11-30T02:17:22Z

Okay, here we go.
Lean back, paint a picture in your head, using only what I tell you.
Got it? Good.
Thousands of sweaty bodies, the great majority scantily clad, shoving, groping, dancing, and generally engrossing you.
Each dances to a beat so loud it makes your chest cavity hurt.
But, oh, it hurts so good.
And these people are pretty.
You see a few faces in the crowd that you recognize, and attempt to do the impossible.
You start making your way towards them, bumping into everyone and apologizing every few steps.
If you can even be heard over the music, that is.
By the time you get there, POOF, they're gone.
And you're back to square one.
Surrounded.
Oh, and I forgot to mention a key fact: most of these people are on drugs.
You have to gauge the situation.
Who is freaking out, who is loving life, and who just wants some ass. And there's alot of the latter, mind you.
So, you venture to look for your crowd you managed to separate from.
This brings you into the small room playing Trance.
And there's a REALLY hot guy.
Somehow you come across a REALLY hot dude (IF YOU'RE A STRAIGHT MALE READING THIS, BEAR WITH ME).
Strike up a conversation. It goes well, he gives you a cigarette, introduces you to his friends.
THEN, the rest of your group finds you. You show him off, saying, "This is my new friend, _______!"
And, BAM!, he stops talking to you, and starts shamelessly hitting on your scantily-clad, jailbait "friend," who just so happens to be the same girl who almost killed you merely a week before.
This is the same girl who purposely attracts guys to build her own ego when she shoots them down, having already cheated on her naive boyfriend.
Your blood boils, but what can you do?
YOUR NIGHT OFFICIALLY SUCKS NOW.
That's how my Saturday went.

Postscript: She gave him her phone number, and complains now nonstop that he keeps calling her. What a bitch.

Be Thankful (A significant change...)

2007-11-24T23:19:20Z

*sighs*
Alot has happened since my last post.
For those of you that are even still vaguely interested in my life, this may be an interesting and significant post for you to read.
I almost died.
No joke. Go on, Jill, just come right out and say it.
I was in a car. We almost went off a cliff in Santa Cruz.
Instead, I suffered severe injuries, and stayed the night in the hospital.
"Soft Tissue Damage" they say.
Bruises, cut, the works.
It was a tree that saved us. A lousy, stationary, life-saving tree.
I was in a car with Ash, Miguel, and Caytlyn.
These were the people I would've been spending my dying moments with.
Not exactly the end I had in mind.
Thank god for that damn tree.
Funnily enough, I has St. Christopher in my purse.
Call me what you will, but I have always been a (*gulp*) spirtual person.
Could he have helped?
If we had gone merely 2 feet over I wouldn't be here to type this.
Think of it as food for thought.
Really, think about it.
When was the last time you spoke to me, and under what circumstances?
For too many the answer would be "an argument," and that, really, is what fuels me to keep going.
To better myself.
I suppose now I have a different perspective on life.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still the same old me.
But, different.
So, I go on.
Tonight I'm going on to a rave in San Francisco.
It's called, fittingly, "Be Thankful,"
and,
boy,
am I.

miserysadvocate @ 2007-10-29T01:35:00

2007-10-29T08:37:00Z

I work tomorrow.
Right now I'm in Carmel.
And I'm tired.
CUDDLE PUDDLE!
<3
It's me, Puma, Tink, Ash, and Fuzz.
This'll be fun.
:D