I am moving soon to Camp Lejeune, North Carolina so I can be with Daniel when he comes home.
:D
...
he's coming home in April!

shits crazy right now. Dan has 4 more months, according to the gunney's wife.
I feel like i've lost myself.

well, the holidays(okay, thanksgiving) were alright. More specifically, awfully lonely. I kept thinking "Dan would love that!" and it drove me nuts. I think during dinner I cried twice. No, I am not always crying, grant you, it was a LONG dinner. We got there at 1300 and stayed there until 2000. So, I had quite a while to cry twice, and, no, the water works are not always on. But, now I am cold, and sitting in my bathroom. Erika is in my bed and its kinda cramped. Funny thing though, Dan and I always fit perfectly in that bed....
I have no plans for today, other than going back to bed and perhaps trying to sleep a bit longer. We'll see.

Tomorrow is my 7 month anniversary of being married.
I am so proud of you, baby.
I LOVE YOU!

ugh, i am fucking drowning.

I am not living for the next 6 months, simply existing.

The holidays are gonna suck.

I bawled last night like a retard. Last night was NPS' and DLI's Marine Corps ball, and I saw some of them at Dennys. I talked to them for a bit, got a phone number for one of the other Marine wives. They were probably the most understanding and empathetic people i have come across so far.
I just kept thinking that if Dan were still here, I would've gone. I would've dressed all pretty for him, and gotten to meet the other wives. I couldve gone home that night and sighed happily as I let my hair down, then curled up into him arms, tucking my nose under the crook of his chin.

*sighs*


I miss you, babe.

i love it how....
people are so fucking confusing.

you think someone will be offended by something are they are totally chill about it.

and on the otherhand,
you think you are saying something totally rediculous, and they just shrug it off.

OR, how people online are unpredictable.

Like, everyone has that penpal you are really cool with then, all of a sudden, out of the blue, they STOP TALKING TO YOU.

It's like, "wait...wtf? Did i miss something?"
Like, suck my cock.

Seriously.


OR, this crazy sleeping pattern that i have going. Erika and I are nocturnal now, no joke. We have slept all day for the last three days, and here it is, 4:00 AM and still awake and kicking. I woke up at 5:00 PM to start my day yesterday. Woooooooow.


OR
how you see people that you were cool with in highschool, and they are really disinterested in you now. Its like, "uhhhh.... okay...fuck off, too." OR how you see those people you never really talked to much, and they TALK YOUR EARS OFF, and are all peppy and in your business.
Like, its awesome, I love it, but what happened to those old people you spent every day with?

On the other hand, its been really cool hanging out with my old crew of Erika, Ash and Rico.
Like the good old days, you know, lol?

Like, now i remember why raving was so fun. You get to put up with a crock full of assholes during the week, and BAM! there's the weekend, smiling and full of promises of new people and tons of fun.

It shows you that the world isnt full of just asshole penpals with abrupt issues and oblivious, self-absorbed school buddies from way back in the day.


OR,
how when people hear i am married they treat me a couple of different ways:
1) "Oh my god! Really? Congrats! Who is he? Where is he from? Of, he is in Iraq? What a bummer! Yeah, he will be in my prayers! If you need anything, dont hesitate to call! Good seeing you!"
(Thanks for the offer, but i dont want to be a burden. chances are that unless there is an emergency of epic proportions, i will never call you.
)

2) "You are married? I am a guy, why are you talking to me? He doesn't care? Are you going to cheat on him?"
(First of all, yes, i am married. I am still the same old Jill I always was, nothing has changed. I am still just as pessimistic, cynical, perverted, intelligent, funny, ect. as I always was. I still like the same kind of music, the same movies, hobbies and books as i always did. The fact that you wont talk to me at all says more about you than it does me. It means that you can't value a woman for her personality and quirks, you only see sex. If you choose to be ignorant, more power to you. Chances are that if this is the case, you and I have nothing to discuss anyways. I have the ability to see past the fact that you are a guy, and if you are talking with me, chances are that he already knows. I understand that you people may not have an open and honest relationship with your significant others, but Daniel pretty much knows about every conversation i have with everyone, man or woman. Its a basis of communication, you see? If I were going to cheat on him, do you really think I would have invested so much of my life into this relationship? Believe it or not, I am not like most girls, I value everything dear to me, and i take my vows seriously.
)

3) "You are married? Why? How long have you known him? Thats really fast..Did you get knocked up?"
(FUCK YOU. I married for love, believe it or not. And, yeah, we got married fast. Marry someone in the military and you will find out quickly that cute things like getting married are on YOUR TIME, and NO, there is not alot of it. We got married when we got a chance. We took a nice trip to Las Vegas on his weekend, and even had to get special permission for that. I WAS NOT KNOCKED UP. Again, we got married out of LOVE. YES, LOVE STILL EXISTS. I understand that it may be hard to believe with all of the bullshit happening in relationships now with cheating and all of that, but dont give up hope. Again, I was NOT knocked up. In fact, even if I were knocked up, its none of your fucking business. If I wanted to go public with it, I would have. But, yes, we want one eventually, since you asked. Repeatedly.
)

So, i know this rant seems awfully angry, and it is, believe me. but i have had this shit bottled up for a while. So, bear with me.

...
..
.

:D

Well, I went to North Carolina to see Dan off and got a couple of pictures. I guess I will post them.







I miss him so much.

DAN LEFT FOR IRAQ THIS MORNING, AND I MISS HIM ALREADY. I AM SO PROUD OF HIM. I LOVE YOU, DAN!

I love you, dan!

okay, so here's the deal, and at this point I DONT CARE WHO KNOWS.
I am out on my own, paying my own bills, running around filling my ADULT RESPONSIBILITIES.
blech.
Dan is going to Iraq and the Marine Corps is having fun torturing us families about his deployment date. Easy when you're just a name and number on a paper being pushed, right?
He was supposed to leave on the 3rd and now we heard that it may be anywhere from the 29th to the 3rd.
And what sucks?
I am leaving for a vacay to North Carolina (SEEING YOUR HUSBAND LEAVE FOR IRAQ IS A VACATION NOW?) on the 30th and am coming back on the 4th.
Things that suck about that?
1) can't move the date of the flight any closer, already bought the ticket.
2) My plane will arrive on the 30th at 11:30 at night, and if he leaves on the 1st, that would only give us a few hours together.
3) Lovefest is on the 4th, so I can't even go to that.
4) If he leaves on the 1st, I then have 3 days of NOTHINGNESS in a hotel to fill in Jacksonville, North Carolina.
5) I am going to have his iphone cause he cant take it with him, so I am going to get his fucking crazy exes texting me (I am going to have to keep my pimp hand strong!)
6) the address that he gave me for Iraq is only valid for a couple of weeks
7) its 7 MONTHS
8) gotta pay the bills the MOMENT I get back
9) I dont have a laptop yet cause money is tight with all of this traveling and whatnot, so comp access to talk with him will be limited
10) gotta go to more military spouse classes in the near future
11) GOTTA WORK MY ASS OFF FINDING OTHER WIVES AROUND HERE
12) gotta get in touch with old friends cause ever since I left and came back, I really haven't been talking to much of anyone

and more. Really, too many to name.
So, seriously, if you are out and you see someone in uniform, or someone who is obviously a military spouse, TAKE A MOMENT TO THANK THAT PERSON. THEY GO THROUGH MORE SHIT THAN YOU WILL EVER REALIZE, UNTIL YOU LIVE THAT LIFESTYLE YOURSELF. So, coming from a civilian/military hybrid such as myself, take that 30 seconds to do that, because as mundane as it seems, it means ALOT to them/us.

Thanks.